Since my little parish in the mountains is deep in grief over the deaths of two key players, here are some tips on how to grieve well. I hope they help.
- Keep talking about the deceased loved one/s. The tendency is to stop talking about the deceased loved one because "it's too painful." That just bottles up the grief and the healing slows down.
- Don't overdo the talking about the deceased loved one/s! An entirely different dynamic than mentioned above is the possibility of obsessing about the departed. That kind of obsession leads to a dead end and you stop living among the living.
- Take care of yourself. Certain times can be especially vulnerable times to sink into melancholy. For instance, if you live alone and the deceased loved one was the one whom you had meals with, then try going to an inexpensive restaurant where you won't feel odd to be dining alone, bring a book or a newspaper and read your way through the meal. Or if you stay home for your meal, turn on the television and let your mind be occupied with some show or movie.
- Bedtime. Very problematic if the deceased one was your spouse. Put a TV in your bedroom, if there isn't one there already, and watch something until you fall asleep. Use the TV function that will turn off the TV after so many minutes.
- Pray. Learn to pray like you never have before. Only the Lord can heal the pain and doubt and darkness that come from grief. The crucifix can become a powerful aid in your grief-filled prayer. The sooner you learn how to unite your sufferings with the sufferings of Christ, the sooner you'll become free from debilitating grief and more open to a newness in your vitality.
- Realize that grief is an act of love. You wouldn't be in a state of grief if you didn't love the deceased. And realize that the way out of grief, by prayer, is to realize that the Lord will call you to a new manner of loving. That is God's way to fill the void left by the departed loved one. Indeed He may call you to fall in love with Him!
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