The Heart of the Matter

On maneuvering through hard times

Here are some spiritual direction tidbits for all of us during this prolonged bad economy. I hope they help.

 

• If your personal/family finances are doing OK then it is time to be very grateful to the Lord and to be as generous as you can to those who are in need.  One never knows when the floor can fall out beneath us, so be grateful to the Lord and pray for those who are facing hard times. The spiritual dynamic here is that when in a state of consolation, enjoy the consolation, but store up a spiritual reserve for the day when desolation comes.  Almsgiving (giving to the poor) is one of the most potent forms of spiritual weaponry.

 

• If your personal/family finances are tanking, then know that you have entered upon a time of desolation. In times of desolation we tend to make bad decisions, so invite the Lord in on every decision, not only on finances but especially on giving in to the desire to blame someone, either yourself or others.  If you made bad decisions, then learn from the mistakes and move on.  If a loved made poor decisions, then voice the issue as you see it and then move on.  Do not stay in the blame game.  Fix the problem. Don’t make it worse.  Seek out the best wisdom you can find, from people whose judgment you respect.  And do not cave in to the tendency to sit on a pity pot, or become bitter or fearful, or worried about what other people might think.  As the Lord said, “Fear is useless, when is needed now is trust.”

 

• Whether you are in good times or in hard times, it’s a time for all of us to learn a greater degree of trust in Divine Providence.  And Divine Providence may be suggesting that we all need to learn some new virtues, like the value of being frugal, saving for a rainy day, being generous, and steering clear of consumerism.

 

• Many people allow money worries to steal their peace of mind.  If there is something to be learned, then learn it.  But we should have much greater concern about our salvation and the state of our souls than the state of our 401 (k).

Tips on navigating the loss of a job

A faithful reader of this blog suggested doing a similar blog as the one on Tips for Grieving Well, only this one should be on coping with the another kind of grief: losing a job. So here goes Tips on Navigating the Loss of a Job:

• Whether being outright fired, or losing a job because of a "reduction in the work force," or losing a job for whatever reason: be honest with yourself.  What exactly was the real reason for losing the job?  Sometimes we can kid ourselves into thinking there were other reasons than the real reason.  There's much to learn from knowing the real reason.  Perhaps there is something to learn, like certain behaviors or job performance need to be purged from our character.  At other times, we need to be consoled that the matter was out of our control completely and we need not castigate ourselves for it.
• Either way, don't dump on yourself.  If there was something to learn, learn it, and move on.  If you are simply a victim of circumstance, don't let yourself go into a narcissistic tide of self-loathing.  Get over it and move on.
• Get creative!  Think of wild possibilities for a new way to earn your living and provide for your family.  Make lists of possibilities you'd not otherwise have the time to think about.  The more wild the list, the more likely you'll find an option that fits you just right, but probably not on the far outside of the possibilities.  (The crazy options just open your mind to think more creatively.)
• Pray like you've never prayed before.  God knows exactly what would be your best fit.  So, ask Him!  And pay attention to how He might give you clues on what He is calling you to.  Many people do not think that God has a perfect plan for our lives, so they don't ask Him to show the way.  Ask the Lord to get your ego out of the way so He can guide you. 
• In medieval times, when jobs were scarce, there was a widespread custom of "going on pilgrimage" to some distant spot known as a holy place (like the Holy Land or a saints shrine) to beg the Lord for whatever favor the pilgrim needed.  It was also a time to get some space from the immediate surroundings and circumstances.  In that mental and physical break from the routine and from the worry, the person could regain some confidence and some freedom to be more open to God's will.  Try it!  In Colorado there is the Saint Frances Cabrini shrine in Golden. 

Tips on grieving well

Since my little parish in the mountains is deep in grief over the deaths of two key players, here are some tips on how to grieve well.  I hope they help.

• Keep talking about the deceased loved one/s.  The tendency is to stop talking about the deceased loved one because "it's too painful."  That just bottles up the grief and the healing slows down. 
• Don't overdo the talking about the deceased loved one/s!  An entirely different dynamic than mentioned above is the possibility of obsessing about the departed.  That kind of obsession leads to a dead end and you stop living among the living.
• Take care of yourself.  Certain times can be especially vulnerable times to sink into melancholy.  For instance, if you live alone and the deceased loved one was the one whom you had meals with, then try going to an inexpensive restaurant where you won't feel odd to be dining alone, bring a book or a newspaper and read your way through the meal.  Or if you stay home for your meal, turn on the television and let your mind be occupied with some show or movie.
• Bedtime.  Very problematic if the deceased one was your spouse.  Put a TV in your bedroom, if there isn't one there already, and watch something until you fall asleep.  Use the TV function that will turn off the TV after so many minutes.
• Pray.  Learn to pray like you never have before.  Only the Lord can heal the pain and doubt and darkness that come from grief.  The crucifix can become a powerful aid in your grief-filled prayer.  The sooner you learn how to unite your sufferings with the sufferings of Christ, the sooner you'll become free from debilitating grief and more open to a newness in your vitality.
• Realize that grief is an act of love.  You wouldn't be in a state of grief if you didn't love the deceased.  And realize that the way out of grief, by prayer, is to realize that the Lord will call you to a new manner of loving.  That is God's way to fill the void left by the departed loved one.  Indeed He may call you to fall in love with Him!

Some wisdom from our soon-to-be visitor, the Pope

I came across a succinctly phrased insight by Pope Benedict that is very helpful on our spiritual journey:

 

"There are three fundamental human temptations:

• the temptation of self-assertion and the desire to place oneself at the center of things;
• the temptation of the senses;
• and finally, the temptation of anger and revenge."

If we can control these desires, especially to put oneself first, we can become creators of peace.  May the upcoming papal visit to New York and Washington help to create peace in our world.

A few gems of wisdom

Every year we priests of the Archdiocese of Denver gather at Keystone in the mountains for our annual convocation.  Here are a few gems of wisdom that I jotted down at our recent 4 day convocation.  I found these thoughts as applicable to me, but also, I think, applicable to all of us as well:

• “When you are willing to bear the burden of being displeasing to yourself, then you become worthy of being a dwelling place of the Lord.” – St. Therese of Lisieux
• Today, university “students meet professors who intellectually rape their students” by seeking to destroy their religious faith.  The students are imbued with relativistic thinking that avoids dealing with the deepest questions in life, like:  Who am I?  Why am I here?  What is the purpose in my life?  And who is God?  Because students are encouraged to study simply for the sake of their future work, there settles in a real lack of love for the truth and for meaning in life. 
• One desolation with You, Jesus, is better then a thousand pleasures elsewhere.
• When stuck in prayer, try saying some favorite prayers over and over again until something kicks in.
• Instead of having the laity help us in our mission, we priests should move toward seeing us priests as helping the laity with their mission to be witnesses of Christ.
• Our relationships have to be cleared of anything that takes away hope.
• God doesn’t call us to be nice guys, but to be good men.  Being “pastoral” does not mean being nice; it means dealing with what must be dealt with.
• Purification means being open to criticism.

Gold is now $1,000 per ounce! A maturity opportunity!

All around us there are signs of our being squeezed financially.  Gas is well over $3 a gallon and gold is now over $1,000 per ounce.  As the pinch gets tighter we have the opportunity to evaluate what we do in our lives.  When resources are not as available as they have been, we need to make decisions about what we really value.  It would seem that the pinch is not yet tight enough for many of us to give up our coffee, but we are getting there.  Right now we have school families who are needing more time to make their tuition payments.  That's the surest sign to me of a real pinch impacting the lives of families. 

How shall we deal with this recession?  A few suggestions:

• Money issues tend to be the most common cause of arguments between spouses.  Don't give in to that temptation.  Make a decision that you (husband and wife) are more important to each other than the pressures of anything, even a financial crunch.
• If you find that you are angry (about something financial) realize that underneath the anger is fear.  Once you know that you are afraid and can admit it, then you've won half of the battle.  It's time, then, to look at what you are really afraid of.
• For people of good will, fear is usually connected to love.  True, we can be afraid for our own skin; but good will is a movement of God's grace pulling a person to be concerned about others than oneself.  So, a married couple should keep their focus on their love, realizing that the angers and fears they may be feeling are tied into their love for their family and their sense of responsibility for those whom they love.
• Lastly, perhaps this recession can help our society move away from trying too hard to prevent our children from experiencing some degree of suffering.  Suffering is the crucible in which maturity happens, especially if suffering is shared among people who love each other.  Protecting young people (overly much) from hardship can actually delay maturity.   

On living in this world but not being of this world

Our neighboring parish had the dedication of their brand new church this evening.  It was fabulous.  If you have never been present at such a once-in-a-lifetime event, then put it on your wish list.  It's very moving.  The Archbishop was there and told everyone that the beauty of a church is really established in the beautiful way the members of the church live out their Catholic faith. 

Then when I got home I read an e-mail from one of my parishioners, reflecting on today's readings at Mass: "Can you at some point tell us whether we belong to this world, that world, or to both worlds, and how do we reconcile this dialectic?" 

Here's a response that is in line with the Archbishop's insight at the dedication Mass.  If the "the world" is despairing, I will be hopeful.  If the world is violent, I will be peaceful.  If the world is unjust, I will be just.  If the world ignores the plight of the poor, I will be right there with the poor.  If the world is cynical, I will be non-judgmental.  If the world is too busy for God, I will delight in the presence of God.  If the world is vengeful, I will be forgiving.  If the world is impure, I will be chaste.  If the world is cruel, I will be gentle.  If the world uses people, I will be reverent before every human life.  If the world is greedy, I will seek to become free from this idol of our time.  In short, to be "in the world but not of it" is to serve the people of the world as Jesus did.